You’ve been following the same morning routine for three years. You say “yes” to every family gathering even when you’re exhausted. You believe you must own a home by thirty because that’s what success looks like. But lately, nothing feels right. You’re moving through life on autopilot, and the rules you’ve been following feel more like chains than guidance.
That suffocating feeling? It might be dogma at work.
What dogma actually means in your daily life
Dogma isn’t just a religious term or something philosophers debate. It’s any belief you’ve accepted as absolute truth without questioning it. In India, dogma shows up everywhere: the idea that engineering or medicine are the only “respectable” careers, that women must know how to cook before marriage, that buying gold is always a smart investment, that working past 9 PM proves dedication.
These beliefs become invisible frameworks. You don’t even realize you’re following them until you feel trapped. The problem isn’t that all inherited wisdom is bad—it’s that dogma demands obedience without examination. It says “because I said so” when you ask “why.”
Consider this: You might be living by rules designed for someone else’s life, in a different decade, facing completely different circumstances. Your grandmother’s financial advice made sense when bank fixed deposits offered 12% returns. Your father’s career path worked when job security existed. But clinging to those strategies in December 2025, when the economic landscape has shifted entirely, is dogma in action.
Five signs you’re trapped in dogmatic thinking
First, you feel guilty when you even consider alternatives. A 28-year-old woman in Bangalore told me she felt physically sick when she thought about not attending her cousin’s wedding—her fifth family event in two months. Not because she’d miss it, but because “family always comes first” was a rule she’d never questioned. The guilt wasn’t coming from love; it was coming from dogma.
Second, you use the phrase “that’s just how things are done” frequently. When someone asks why you’re doing something a certain way and your immediate response lacks reasoning, that’s a red flag. “We always celebrate Diwali at my in-laws’ house” isn’t the same as “We choose to celebrate there because it brings us joy.”
Third, you notice a gap between your stated values and your actual behavior. You say you value rest, but you brag about being busy. You claim to support women’s independence, but you judge your sister for her unconventional choices. Dogma creates this split—you perform beliefs you don’t actually hold.
Fourth, you feel defensive when someone questions your choices. Defensiveness often signals that you’re protecting a belief you haven’t fully examined. If your friend asks why you’re saving for a car when you work from home and you snap back, that reaction is worth exploring.
Fifth, your decisions feel heavy and joyless. When every choice requires you to override your instincts to follow “the right way,” exhaustion sets in. You’re spending energy maintaining someone else’s vision of your life.
The permission slip exercise
Here’s a practical way to test whether a belief is serving you or controlling you. Pick one rule you’ve been following—something small to start. Maybe it’s “I must reply to WhatsApp messages within an hour” or “I should eat three full meals daily even when I’m not hungry.”
Write yourself a literal permission slip: “For the next three days, I have permission to respond to messages when I have the mental space” or “I have permission to eat according to my hunger, not the clock.”
Then observe what happens. Not just externally (did anyone actually get angry?) but internally. Notice the discomfort. That squirming feeling is dogma losing its grip. Most people discover that the catastrophic consequences they imagined never materialize. Your mother might be briefly annoyed about the delayed response, but the relationship doesn’t collapse.
The goal isn’t to abandon all structure—it’s to distinguish between guidelines that help you and dogma that hinders you. A helpful belief bends when circumstances change. Dogma snaps.
How to talk about this without starting family wars
Changing your relationship with dogma doesn’t require announcing it at the dinner table. You don’t need to give a speech about how you’re rejecting traditional values. In fact, making it a grand declaration often backfires.
Instead, use what I call “quiet boundaries.” When your aunt asks why you’re not buying a flat yet, try: “We’re still figuring out what works best for our situation.” It’s honest without being confrontational. You’re not attacking her belief system; you’re simply stepping out of the debate.
For closer relationships—partners, siblings, close friends—you can go deeper. “I’ve been thinking about why I do certain things, and I realized I’m following some rules that don’t actually fit my life anymore. I’m trying to be more intentional.” Most people respond to vulnerability better than manifestos.
When someone pushes back hard, remember: their reaction is usually about their own relationship with dogma. If your decision to skip a ritual or change a tradition threatens them, it’s because they haven’t examined their own beliefs. You can’t do that work for them.
Your belief audit template
Set aside twenty minutes. Draw three columns on a piece of paper or open a simple document.
Column one: List ten rules you follow regularly. Include everything from “I must exercise in the morning” to “I should visit my parents every Sunday” to “I need to post on social media to stay relevant.”
Column two: For each rule, write where it came from. Who taught you this? When did you adopt it? Be specific. “My first manager said this” is different from “I read this in a book” or “Everyone in my community does this.”
Column three: Ask yourself, “Is this still true for me right now?” Not “Is this a good rule generally?” but “Does this serve my actual life in December 2025?”
You’ll likely find that several beliefs made perfect sense at one point but have overstayed their welcome. Maybe waking at 5 AM worked when you were single, but now you have a newborn and sleep matters more than morning productivity theater. Maybe weekly family dinners were nourishing before, but now they drain you because the dynamics have changed.
This isn’t about becoming selfish or rejecting your culture. It’s about distinguishing between conscious choice and unconscious compliance. The beliefs that survive this audit—the ones that still serve you—become stronger because now you’re choosing them actively.
Moving forward without the weight
The most powerful realization is this: You can honor your background, respect your community, and still make different choices. These aren’t mutually exclusive. You can love your parents and disagree with their advice. You can appreciate tradition and modify it to fit your reality.
Dogma thrives in silence and assumptions. It dissolves when you shine light on it, when you ask simple questions like “Why?” and “Says who?” and “What if I tried something different?”
Start with one belief this week. Just one. Examine it. Test it. Give yourself permission to adjust it. Notice how much lighter you feel when you’re living by choice rather than obligation. That feeling of being stuck often has nothing to do with your circumstances and everything to do with the invisible rules you’ve been following without question.
The life you actually want is probably hiding just behind the life you think you’re supposed to want.